“We could not bear it.”

Ji Yue hesitated to speak, and Wei Lian’s heart gradually sank.

It was unclear what exactly he was feeling, sad or disappointed? Accompanied with the pain on his body, it brought a trace of indescribable irony. 

He was tired.

Everything seemed to go back to the starting point after all the events.

Ji Yue turned back, picked up the bottle and returned to the bedside, handing it to Wei Lian, “This is the antidote.”

Wei Lian was so angry that he did not want to take it.

Ji Yue explained without changing his expression, “If you take this antidote continuously for one year, the toxin will be relieved automatically. There is no other antidote.”

Wei Lian looked up and stared at him without blinking.

“Really.” Ji Yue said sincerely.

Wei Lian wondered, “Then how do you control your shadow guards…?”

“They don’t know this, but once the year has passed, what we give them is not the antidote, but a new poison. In this way, the control stays for another year as the new cycle starts.” Ji Yue told the lie on the spot, no redness in his face and no changes to his heartbeat. “This is a secret we have told only to you. You better say nothing of it.”

He was apologising inside. 

He did not want to be in an unwinnable fight with Wei Lian because of this, so he could only deceive the other like this.

He actually thought about it clearly. Wei Lian chose to hide things from him now perhaps because the younger man did not like him enough.

No matter, give him another year to cultivate their feelings. He believed Wei Lian would not lie to him once that time came.

Once the time arrived, he would secretly replace the temporary antidote with the real one and completely detoxify Wei Lian’s poison. As long as Wei Lian took the temporary antidote in a timely fashion, there would be no side effects. If he could buy himself another year, why wouldn’t he?

The worst outcome would only be…that Wei Lian continued to keep things from him.

Ji Yue’s eyes darkened.

If that was the case, he would probably be very sad.

But he would still give the real antidote to Wei Lian.

If a year’s time could not move a person’s heart completely, then he will free Wei Lian. Ji Yue did not want to force an unwilling individual, as well as imprison Wei Lian in a cage, both of which would bring nothing but pain to both of them.

But Ji Yue was still a little selfish and wanted enough time to fight for his love, so that Wei Lian would open his heart and completely accept him.

One year. He would give himself a single year.

* * *

Wei Lian: “...”

If that was really the case, then those shadow guards deceived in circles were really sad.

As for taking Ji Yue’s words into account, Wei Lian believed him at seventy percent.

Seven points were out of love for Ji Yue, and three points were left to sate his vigilant instinct.

Otherwise, if this was from another person’s mouth, Wei Lian would believe not one word and investigate himself.

It was undeniable that the original melancholy in his heart suddenly loosened up, blown away by Ji Yue’s words.

That was all he wanted.

Not the antidote, but Ji Yue’s honesty.

But he still could not admit that the man who fought with Ji Yue tonight was himself.

Shifu once said that before he reached his coming of age, he would be faced with a life or death situation. He always kept this warning in mind. 

Now he was less than two months from coming of age. If he could bear it for another two months, he would not continue to pretend like this.

Wei Lian cherished his life. During his solitary life, he had striven to stay alive. Now, he was bound with a loved one, he wanted to stay alive even more. 

He would not risk his life.

Both men had their own thoughts, but flawlessly showed nothing on their faces, giving away nothing to the other.

* * *

Wei Lian took the antidote without saying a word.

Now that Ji Yue had figured things out, he would stop worrying about the mess Wei Lian had hidden from him and turn to caring about Wei Lian’s well being.

He was in a terrible mood tonight.

Ji Yue could fire an arrow and kill the Yan Empire maid who cured Wei Lian. Ji Yue dared to send the whole Chen Empire’s envoys into prison after Huyan Kemu made things difficult for Wei Lian. If anyone was to hurt Wei Lian, there would be no doubt that Ji Yue would dismember that person’s body into millions of pieces.

But at the end of the day, it was himself of all people.

Wei Lian was born frail and beautiful. His delicate body leaning quietly on the couch with his face paler than usual. Along with his head lowered in silence, it would cause anyone’s empathy. 

The bloodstains on the snow-white neck brought pain to his heart, and the same with the scars on the clavicle. Ji Yue had even less urge to look at the other’s bandaged arm.  

Even though he knew that Wei Lian was not weak, it still brought pain to his heart. 

Ji Yue could not stop himself from asking, “Does it still hurt?”

Wei Lian: “...”

No kidding! It wasn’t like he had no sensory pain. 

It was very hard to take for Ji Yue and he did not want to show self-blame, so he looked more grievous than Wei Lian.

“Earlier, when the physician bandaged you, you did not make a sound.” Ji Yue unhappily pointed out.

Wei Lian once said that he was afraid of pain.

But in reality, he was very cruel.

Able to inflict pain on himself.

Just knowing such a strong and forbearing Wei Lian made Ji Yue more distressed. 

Ji Yue still remembered the first time he did it with Wei Lian. Wei Lian was in severe pain, but he just bit the back of his hand and refused to say a word even when he bled.

He looked at the two deep rows of tooth marks on the back of the young man’s pale hand, half angrily held down the man’s wrist and ordered him not to bite. Wei Lian sank into the bed and created creases from grabbing the sheet. The sound was bits and pieces, but he still refused to ask for mercy. 

Afterward, Wei Lian’s half lidded eyes were covered in fog, and his body trembled with pain. Even so, he still refused to shed a tear, always showing a trace of stubbornness.

That was when Ji Yue learned that the young man who said he was afraid of pain actually engraved a determination to endure deep into his bones. 

But his body became accustomed to it after having done so many rounds on the bed. Later, when Ji Yue changed Wei Lian’s nightclothes, especially the drunken Wei Xiao Lian, who was so well-behaved and soft beyond words. On ordinary days, all his enforced bones turned into a puddle of water. He sobbed without restraint, pleaded for mercy, indulged in debauchery, and hid in his arms, crying out he was in pain, but in a coquettish manner. When he was angry, he had the guts to kick Ji Yue out of bed. When he was happy, he would give Ji Yue a kiss. During that time, there was a smile and light in his eyes.

At least on the bed, to Ji Yue, Wei Lian let his nature run free. 

To be honest, Ji Yue liked this kind of Wei Lian.

Not the unrestrainedness, but him crying out when he felt pain, when he was wronged, begging for mercy when he was at his limit. When he never suppressed these inside of his heart. 

Ji Yue would comply with the younger man in everything.

Being strong is a good thing, and being able to endure is also a fine quality. But he did not need them. Wei Lian did not need to tolerate or endure for him, those sufferings were only for people who needed to learn.

Ji Yue wants to give Wei Lian all the sweets in the world, such as rabbit shaped cakes, the tanghulu like the one from the Lantern Festival or the bowl of hot sesame dumplings. 

But he still let the other suffer.

Under his own doing no less. 

So, why wouldn’t this bring him distress?

* * *

Wei Lian noticed that Ji Yue was in a low mood and thought it was only from him being injured.

He said seriously, “At that time, I was in too much pain to make any noise.”

What he said was half true.

Wei Lian did not like pain, but he could still withstand it.

He could tease Ji Yue and act coquettish for some unimportant things, he could also bear unspeakable events without saying a word,

This pain was nothing.

Ji Yue was thinking, ‘...who was he trying to lie to?’

Besides feeling sad and blaming himself, he was also angry.

Especially when he saw Wei Lian’s neck and leg injuries, his anger was not just from a single reason.

These two injuries were definitely made by Wei Lian himself. 

The younger man did not place value on his own body.

But Ji Yue could not act upon this anger, he could only sulk alone.

“Besides.” Wei Lian looked at his arm. “Aren’t you acting as if nothing had happened to yourself?”

Ji Yue himself was a wounded man as well.

Wei Lian wanted to move Ji Yue’s sleeve up to see what his injury looked like, but on one hand, it was not convenient for him to move, on the other hand, he could not expose his medical skills so he could be no help. Lastly, Ji Yue’s injury must have been checked by many surrounding physicians, nothing to do with him. 

There was no need for him to play a part.

If the other could run and jump, and was still breathing, then he was fine.

Being stabbed for no reason also brought some anger to Wei Lian.

“We have gone through hundreds of battles. We lost count of the number of injuries we got, so how could it be compared to yours?” Ji Yue replied unhappily.

Even if Wei Lian poked a hole, he was still going to proceed with caution. 

Wei Lian said politely, “Then please go back to your palace hall and rest early. This subject is going to bed.”

Ji Yue blurted. “Are you in such a hurry to chase us out?”

Wei Lian replied in surprise, “Then you want to stay here?”

He sighed softly and lamented, “Please forgive this subject for his injured body, that I could not serve your Majesty. This subject suffered serious injuries that will take a hundred days to heal, so I will not be able to serve your Majesty in the next hundred days.” He tried to hide the uncontrollable excitement in his tone, “You are best to go back.”

It suddenly occurred to him. He was hurt, and Ji Yue was hurt as well, it meant they could practise self-restraint.

What an amazing thing happened in the world!

Although at first Wei Lian seduced the other on to the bed, later, when Ji Yue had a taste of the forbidden fruits, the tossing and turning became fiercer, so much it annoyed Wei Lian.

It was rare to be able to rest without being bullied, Wei Lian was very happy.

He held back the urge to smile and said sincerely, “Your Majesty needs to recover as soon as possible as well.”

Ji Yue looked at the dramatist’s upper body and choked silently.

Don’t think we could not hear the joy in your tone.

He almost burst out laughing from the absurdity. 

He turned and said, “We will be leaving.”

Wei Lian respectfully sent the other off, “Your Majesty, please watch your steps.”

Ji Yue could not help looking back, “We are really leaving.”

Wei Lian nodded. “Please take care.”

Ji Yue walked to the door and suddenly turned his head back unconsciously, “We…”

Wei Lian said expressionless, “Leave faster.”

“...” Ji Yue said, “Then you sleep well and try not to sleep on your wounds. Remember to change the bandages and medicine in a timely manner. Don’t leave the bed these days. You don’t need to worry about things in the palace…”

He nagged about each thing more so than the elder ladies in the palace.

Wei Lian just buried himself in the quilt and ignored him.

Ji Yue looked at him quietly for a long time before pushing the door and walking out.

* * *

The night outside was as cold as water as the cold breeze blew on his face.

His heart was heavy.

No matter the jest, he could not escape the erosion of self blame.

There was no way for him to be blind to it. Wei Lian’s face was as white as paper. He hid his seriously injured left arm in the quilt, not letting him see it.

It must hurt a lot.

Ji Yue did not dare to face the other man with red face and eyes first. He cried before Wei Lian? Just the thought of it was very humiliating.

He travelled back to Yangxin Palace Hall like a wandering soul. Once he entered, the first sentence he gave was, “Bring wine.”

Li Fuquen was stunned. “At this hour…?”

It was already so late. Why would his Majesty drink wine instead of having a restful sleep?

“We told you to go, less nonsense.” Ji Yue whispered, “We want to drown our worries with wine.”

Li Fuquan uttered, “...Understood.”

* * *

He raised his cup to invite the moon to drink. Along with his shadow, they became three drinking friendsThis is a line from Li Bai’s poem, Drinking Alone with the Moon. 李白《月下独酌》.

Li Fuquan looked at Ji Yue, who was getting drunk under the moon in front of the window. Anxiety filled his face. “Your Majesty, please stop drinking.”

It wouldn't hurt to drink alone, but his Majesty obviously had something hidden in his heart and did not want to say it. 

Ji Yue shook his wine cup, his gorgeous sharp eyes were half drunk. “Li Fuquan, if someone in this world deceived us, what should we do?”

What other answer was there? Li Fuquan firmly recited, “The crime of deceiving the Emperor should be punished.”

“Not allowed!” Ji Yue immediately rejected, “We could not bear it.”

Li Fuquan was shocked.

There was only one person who his Majesty could not cause pain on…

Li Fuquan lightly patted his mouth and regretted that he spoke without consideration.

As it turned out his Majesty and Wei Gongzi had a falling out?

“We also lied to him…We lied about the medicine…could only be relieved after one year.” Ji Yue suddenly chuckled, closed his eyes and lay down on the table. “We want him to stay. We are so afraid that he will leave. We even hurt him today. Is he mad at us for this…?”

Li Fuquan could not comprehend what his Majesty was going off about.

What about this and that?

But he could see that his Majesty was very sad. 

His Majesty had a deep relationship with his mother, Yun Ji, when he was young. The day of her death, she agreed to play in the snow with Ji Yue on the morrow. That night, he saw his mother pushed into the well with his own eyes.

Later, his Majesty raised a rabbit, took good care of it and fed it. The untameable rabbit ran into the Empress Dowager’s arms and was ordered to be brought to the table by his Majesty that night. 

Later, his Majesty loved this falcon, which the Empress Dowager used to threaten his Majesty. In the end, his Majesty shot the bird dead himself.

His Majesty had few things he valued. Whenever there was, they would always leave him in the end, and never a good ending. So his Majesty never dared to value anything again.

If he has a beloved, he must be careful and thoughtful, for fear that the person would leave him like those people and things in the past.

So careful that he dared to inquire about it.

Li Fuquen guessed that his Majesty was upset by Wei Gongzi’s injury today. There were always dangers around his Majesty, and those close to his Majesty were consistently among the same dangers. His Majesty must be afraid that Wei Gongzi would leave him like Empress Dowager Yun, the falcon and the rabbit for various reasons.

The alarm from today all arised from the unbearable pain experienced in the past.

Li Fuquan carefully advised, “Your Majesty, Wei Gongzi will not be angry with you.”

“He must be angry.” Ji Yue said sadly, “He ignored us.”

“Wei Gongzi has a sharp tongue but a soft heart.” As his Majesty’s personal attendant, Li Fuquan rarely witnessed Ji Yue’s fragile side. He was so troubled that he suddenly thought of something and blurted it out, “Your Majesty, to tell you the truth, Gongzi knew that you had insomnia in the past and specially ordered this servant to change the scent in your palace into a secret receipt for calming the minds from the Chu Empire, so that you can sleep soundly even if he is not by your side.

“There was actually a hole on the imperial black robe with the golden five-claws dragon that you love the most when the palace worker washed it by accident. It was Gongzi who fixed it himself with a needle and thread.

“And every day you go visit Gongzi, he might appear unconcerned. But when you are away, Gongzi would always ask for your whereabouts several times a day. If he learns that you are discussing official business with ministers, he would never bother you, but sigh about how this palace was so boring. If you are not busy, Gongzi will go find you, saying how there is always joy being with you.

“...These things, Gongzi viewed them as insignificant and never allowed this servant to say them.”

Some things, even he could not do so carefully.

“Gongzi is from the Chu Empire, and this servant had some prejudice against Gongzi at the beginning. It was from these little things that my view has gradually changed.” Li Fuquan sighed, “Your Majesty, you don’t have to worry.”

In this world, no one loves you more than Wei Lian.