I Was Just Deceiving Him...

Su Yang stood in place, dazed. His mind was completely blank.

The silence dragged on what it felt like for eternity. 

As time passed, Gu Feidi finally couldn’t hold back. “Su…”

As if he was awakened from a dream, Su Yang pushed Gu Feidi’s hands away as if electricity shocked him. In the dark, he staggered ahead to search for the stone wall and ran out of the room.

Back in the illuminated stone room, he took a deep breath and touched the back of his hand against his lips. He could feel the burning heat on his cheeks and ears. His rapid heartbeat was loud like a drum beat, and his whole body seemed to be melting into a puddle of soft jelly, as he couldn’t summon an inch of strength. 

He neither wanted to guess the intention behind Gu Feidi’s kiss nor did he want to think about the metaphor of that last sentence.

But his traitorous brain was disobeying his order, as the same thought kept flashing.

Gu Feidi…likes him?

Or was it just because he accidentally played the heroine’s role that made Gu Feidi mistakenly shift his affection to him?

Or was it because he repeatedly stole the heroine’s roles and kept up as a ‘homosexual’ character in the Jianghu that created the misunderstanding between Gu Feidi and him?

But, it was definitely not because of his charm that bent a good protagonist like Gu Feidi, anyway!

Then, what about himself?

What kind of feeling did he hold towards Gu Feidi? The kiss just now felt electrified, making him numb from head to toe. Everything was so confusing.

That couldn’t be it.

He never thought that he would feel this way about a man’s kiss.

But the softness and the warmth he had felt in the dark still lingered on his lips. He even began to savour Gu Feidi’s kiss before they started extracting the Poisonous Gu.

His heart was still racing, with no sign of calming down. The extremely foreign desire within his body aroused by kissing gave a clear nudge—what he felt toward Gu Feidi might not have been some pure friendship as fellow disciples. 

But everything was happening too quickly.

Su Yang didn’t know what expression to use to face the sudden situation.

The sound of light footsteps echoed behind him. Su Yang turned around and saw Gu Feidi standing under the archway. The pair of dark and indistinct eyes were fixed on him.

Su Yang’s heart shivered as he subconsciously retreated two steps.

The light in Gu Feidi’s eyes dimmed. He lowered his gaze and whispered, “Thank you for…treating my poison.”

Seeing that Su Yang didn’t reply as minutes ticked past, Gu Feidi forcefully showed a smile, a bitter smile. “Just now I acted on impulse. My apologies.” 

Su Yang hurriedly evaded the other’s line of sight. He dared not meet the other’s eyes as he bent over to start packing up what they spread out on the couch table.

He murmured, “All right, now we accomplished our goal, it’s time to leave. We will go back to Iris Island today. Tomorrow…”

“Su Yang.”

Gu Feidi interrupted Su Yang.

Su Yang pretended to be calm. “What is it?”

Gu Feidi walked beside Su Yang and gazed down at the man who was squatting next to the couch table. He asked in a low voice, “Although, I apologised for the offence, but…”

Su Yang’s chest squeezed as he dared not let out a breath. He had a strange premonition about what he was going to hear.

He heard the rest of Gu Feidi’s question. “...Do you understand my feelings toward you?”

Suddenly, it was as if the dust settled.

Su Yang closed his eyes and sighed.

He leaned back from the squatting position and sat down on the couch table like he lost all of his strength, with his head lowered. 

His thoughts were in disarray and he couldn’t express his true feelings clearly for a moment.

Happy? Maybe a little frightened. Delighted? But it came with a faint unspeakable nervousness. Everything was a little bit unbelievable, a little bit of feeling that he could lose something, a little bit of…wanting to shrink back.

These complex moods seemed to squeeze all of his cognitive ability out of his brain. After quite a while, he only said a line that he had never considered carefully.

“Gu Feidi, I’m the Young Master of the Evil Sect.”

Gu Feidi knelt on one knee beside Su Yang and whispered, “I know.”

Su Yang continued, “And you’re the son of the Wulin Alliance Leader. We are destined to be each other’s arch-rivals. You…This feeling you have will not have a good ending...”

Gu Feidi stared into Su Yang’s eyes. “...So what?”

Su Yang was already in a state of confusion. When he heard this, his feelings changed into something like thorns growing around his heart. Agitating, prickling, and stinging—something that he was unable to scratch. 

“Don’t be like that, Gu Feidi.” As if he picked an option in a panic without close consideration. “You’re the only son of the Wulin Alliance Leader. Have you ever considered your father’s feelings when you treat me like this? He must expect you to get married, have children, and follow in his footsteps, right?”

After hearing this question, Gu Feidi stayed silent for a long time.

Su Yang didn’t push further. He decided to give time for Gu Feidi to process and also give him an opportunity to sort out his emotions. He quietly turned around and began to pack.

They didn’t bring much, so Su Yang didn’t have much to clean up. Soon, he finished storing everything on the ground into the bag, and finally focused on the stack of papers on the couch table. 

Those stacks were the scriptures that Gu Feidi wrote silently while he practiced the mental skill. He reached out to read through them to calm his mind.

Gu Feidi’s handwriting was very neat and pretty. Because what he wrote was scriptures, they were written in regular script in small characters that could be found in any normal scriptures in society. Even so, there was the sharp energy and vigorous style of the writing in every stroke, and each letter was pleasing to the eye.

Going page by page, and suddenly, a sheet that was distinctly different from the regular script小楷 Think of it as normal English writing but you are writing it in a legible way, it needs to be neatly written, like a college paper that needed to be written by hand. caught Su Yang’s eyes.

Compared with the regular script, semi-cursive script行書 Also known as running script, think of it as a style of writing that people would use on an everyday basis, like making a to-do-list. could better reflect the writer's temperament. In principle, Gu Feidi’s regular script was full of vigour, which means his running script should be more powerful.

But unconsciously, Su Yang gaped at this page of running script and sensed the everlasting tender affection.

“It was the song you taught me.” Gu Feidi said suddenly.

Su Yang slowly turned around to face Gu Feidi, whose attention was on the paper, not on him. 

Gu Feidi went on, “The original lyrics were too sad, so I wrote new ones.”

Su Yang scanned through the lyrics and stopped at the ten words on the last line: I wished to accompany you whenever, for now and ever. He felt as if his heart was on fire.

“Su Yang,” Gu Feidi spoke again in a soft, low voice. “I can actually tell that you are very lonely.”

Before Su Yang could reply, he quickly said, “When I woke up that early morning in the homestead before we entered the House of Jade, I saw you practicing your swordsmanship alone in the courtyard. That was when I vaguely sensed your loneliness. Later…Do you remember the cliff before the stone forest array?”

Recalling the scene Gu Feidi mentioned, Su Yang nodded.

Gu Feidi recounted, “When you were standing by yourself on the edge of the cliff. I watched you and I felt…you wanted to leap down.”

Startled, Su Yang retorted, “I didn’t.”

Gu Feidi chuckled and resumed, “I remembered the way you fell asleep at the exit of the stone forest array. Also, at that time when Di Ling Shijie forgot to bring light to the dark mountain road. I can still remember what your sighs sounded like. Later…you and I lived in the same house for half a year, which was enough for me to tell...that you had no attachment that tied you to this world.”

After a pause, he lowered his eyes slightly and continued with difficulty, “As if the next moment if you were allowed to select death, you could easily abandon your life in this lifetime.”

Taking everything in, Su Yang was completely speechless.

Gu Feidi chuckled again and asked, “But one thing I couldn’t figure out was, why would you, the one I just described, work so hard on honing your skill, why would you…risk your life to save me?”

“I…” Su Yang’s brain stopped processing.

“Three times.”

Gu Feidi was pushing Su Yang into a corner step by step.

“You endangered your life to search for me under the Jade Mirror Lake. You blocked an attack for me at the cliff, and you even witnessed the ferocity of the Blood Gu, yet you insisted on detoxifying me. You have risked your life three times to save me.”

Su Yang answered helplessly, “Gu Feidi, I…”

“I don’t believe you see me just as a fellow disciple, Su Yang.” Gu Feidi looked very seriously into Su Yang’s eyes. “I don’t believe you would do those things for me just because we've been together in the House of Jade for half a year. If Pu Lingyun or Xu Yunzhan were in your place, they wouldn't throw their lives away as you did even with our decade of friendship.”

After that, he broke eye contact with Su Yang and bit his lips. He murmured, “I still remember what you said to your Sect Leader.”

“I was just…” Su Yang said urgently. “Just, just…”

Gu Feidi didn’t interrupt. His gaze fixed back on Su Yang as he waited for him to finish his sentence.

Su Yang clenched his teeth and admitted heartlessly, “...Deceiving him.”

The room became dead silent.

Then, Gu Feidi suddenly stretched out his hand and snatched the page with the lyrics away from Su Yang. 

He leaned forward and placed the thin sheet of paper above the quietly burning candle on the couch table.

“Don’t!” Su Yang moved forward to stop Gu Feidi.

However, with the light and thin material, as soon as it touched the fire, the flame instantly devoured the inked writing, and eventually, only a light cloud of grey ashes and dying embers remained.

Gu Feidi watched Su Yang with reddened eyes. He suddenly stood up and strode to the narrow wall in the corner, reaching for a ladle of water and pouring it on his face.

He knelt at the edge of the well with his back to Su Yang. His hands gripped the edge of the wall with his head lowered, motionless.

Su Yang was in a total panic.

But he didn’t know how to deal with the situation. He was at a complete loss.

His heart was in a shambles. For a moment, he wanted to rush forward to embrace Gu Feidi. For a moment, he felt that the scene earlier should not have happened. For a moment, he remembered the two kissing in the dark. For a moment, he recalled that the two in the script were destined to kill each other at the final scene. 

This confusion made him feel a chill. Su Yang raised his hand to grasp his lapels, frowning.

The coldness became more and more intense as it pierced into his four limbs and travelled along his spine to his brain.

He sucked in a breath and wanted to dispel the increasingly large dark spots in front of him, but he could only bend his body and kneel slowly to the ground.

Before he lost consciousness, he seemed to see Gu Feidi rushing toward him with a face full of fear. Was the fearful shout that reverberated in his ears real?

“—Su Yang!”

Gu Feidi embraced Su Yang. The other man went soft and fell into his arms. He called several times anxiously. Once he realised Su Yang was completely unconscious, he held onto the freezing man tighter. 

“I’m sorry!” He wiped the water dripping down his face. His voice was choked with emotion. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have forced you like that. I just…just was uncertain about your feelings. I was so afraid that you…you’ll hide from me after this.”

Naturally, Su Yang didn’t reply to him.

Gu Feidi closed his eyes. He sighed and moved to the couch table with Su Yang in his arms. This time, he could finally use his bright internal energy from the Scarlet Feather Phoenix Tree to warm Su Yang up.  

* * *

Not knowing how long had passed, a faint footstep came from outside of the stone chamber, which broke Gu Feidi from his trance. 

He hugged Su Yang, who was still dead to the world, with one hand and stretched out his dominant hand to draw out his sword from the bag beside him. He warily looked at the entrance.

Su Huaizhu walked into the room and slowly surveyed around before fixing his eyes on Gu Feidi.

Gu Feidi clenched on the handle of his sword as no emotion was revealed on his face. He moved Su Yang to behind him, crouched in the same place and stared at the Leader of the Evil Sect without fear.

Seeing the determination in Gu Feidi’s eyes, Su Huaizhu chuckled, “You are very similar to Alliance Leader Gu.”

Gu Feidi replied calmly, “I am my father’s son. I would naturally look like him.”

The Sect Leader’s eyes were dark like the ocean on a moonless night. After a moment’s silence, he changed the topic. “Now that you’re free of the Poisonous Gu, isn’t it time for the Young Lord to leave my Divine Sect?”

Hearing the question, Gu Feidi’s expression changed slightly. He opened his mouth to respond, but in the end, he couldn’t form any sentences.

Su Huaizhu glanced at the comatose Su Yang behind Gu Feidi, then changed the subject once again. “Now that the Blood Gu is in his body. Although subdued by the Half-Withered Crimson, it’s not a long-term solution. I know someone who can help him, and I also have a keepsake that can help you find that someone. It all depends on…whether the Young Lord is willing to do me a favour.”

Examining the meaning in the Sect Leader's smiling eyes, Gu Feidi wanted to refuse.

But before he could, Su Yang behind him made a muffled groan and curled into a ball as he shivered from the cold.

Gu Feidi immediately reached for Su Yang’s wrist and sent the frosty man his cosy internal energy.

Su Yang unconsciously embraced Gu Feidi’s arm, as if trying to draw a little more warmth from him.

After a long time, Su Yang’s trembling body finally turned somewhat peaceful. Gu Feidi peered back at Su Huaizhu and whispered, “...Please speak.”

Authors Corner

The author has something to say:

Don’t worry, Su Yang won’t be tangled by the bug for too long (Oy)


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1 Comment

  1. Immortal Fujoshi

    I can understand su yang.It’s totally reasonable to behave like this….These two

    Thnx for ur hard work❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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