Now You Are Scared?

WARNING: Mild sexual themes. This chapter contains pre-locked content (in the Editor's Corner at the bottom, so those who do not wish to read it, need only read the chapter itself) that is mildly NSFW.

This kiss was different from all their previous kisses.

The complex emotions surged from the kiss contained less of a tender feeling, and more of a greedy demand, like a fish struggling to survive in a dried pond.

Su Yang could feel pain in his body from the heavy pressure. It wasn’t hurting him, but was enough to cause discomfort. Accompanied by the tightened fingers behind his neck, the feeling of having one of the most fragile parts caught in someone’s hand made his heart rate instinctively increase.

But compared to that, what made him more afraid was the faint distress within the kiss, like an explosion that could be triggered at any time.

Su Yang’s whole body shivered reflexively. 

He had a partiality towards this. However, this situation was too out of control. This was something…that he wasn't prepared for. Also, Gu Feidi was clearly not in his right mind.

“Gu Feidi!” Su Yang gave a low cry and tried to push the other away.

Gu Feidi propped his body up using the strength behind Su Yang’s hand. A pair of dark eyes fixed on Su Yang's face. 

The hostility behind that pair of dark eyes, as if they wanted to swallow a person whole...Made Su Yang frightened, and his throat dry. 

Looking at Su Yang like this, Gu Feidi slowly raised his hand to pull off his own inner robe—before he entered the water, he removed only his outer coat, leaving the inner robe on, which was long soaked. The wet fabric made it hard for him to take off. Instead, he directly used his internal energy to tear off the belt and untied the inner robe together with the middle robe.

Seeing such a scene, Su Yang gulped and turned away from the other man. He put his hands on the edge of the pool, trying to escape ashore.

But Gu Feidi dragged him back into the water by curling his arms around his waist from behind.

Their skin touched, leaving no space between.

“Don’t…” Su Yang shrank into himself abruptly, and his voice was trembling uncontrollably. “...I’m scared.”

Gu Feidi leaned his chin against Su Yang’s thin shoulder.

“Now you know what fear is like?” He whispered. “Then do you know…how afraid I was? Do you know...How I watched you fall, felt your breathing weaken and your heartbeat cease in my arms, saw the ice crystallising on your face as if you would die the next moment…”

“...Do you know how afraid I was then?”

Su Yang was at a loss for words.

At this moment, he finally felt Gu Feidi’s fear. A kind of fear that was gradually covered by an unspeakable madness that grew at an insane speed. Covered, but not completely erased—as it was still lurking in the dark.

Gu Feidi embraced Su Yang as they lay quietly and bonelessly in the hot spring for a very long time.

Dark clouds travelled slowly over the top of the mountain and gathered in the sky as dusk arrived. 

When the wind blew, there were very fine snowflakes floating down from the sky. Before they could land on the ground, they would be melted by the steam from the hot spring and turned into fine dewdrops on the two people in the pool.

The dewdrops were chilly, but not freezing, but they stirred a tiny shudder in Su Yang, which brought some clarity to Gu Feidi’s mind.

Feeling the trembling man in his arms, Gu Feidi sighed. He tightened his arms to hold the other closer, and muttered in a low voice, “Su Yang…What should I do with you?”

“I’m afraid of losing you. I only want you, completely and wholly…” He pressed his cheek against Su Yang’s ear and closed his eyes. “But, this is not the only thing I want...Even if I get all of you, I still feel that you…would disappear from my side one day.”

“Su Yang.” He chanted in a slightly hoarse voice. “Su Yang, Su Yang…”

Su Yang’s heart ached with a burning sensation with each cry.

He bit his bottom lip, trying to reorganise his chaotic thoughts. He decided in his heart and moved his hands back to draw Gu Feidi’s neck toward himself, turned around to search for the other’s lip, and gave him a tender peck.

“Alright…” He whispered, “...Do as you like.”

Yet, Gu Feidi did not continue.

He stared into Su Yang’s eyes for a long time, who was avoiding his gaze, and sighed softly. He distanced himself from Su Yang, shook his head while giving a bitter smile. “...Next time, the timing and place are wrong anyway…” 

“Just now, I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I wasn’t in the right mood. I shouldn’t have taken my anger out on you.”

He removed his hands from Su Yang’s waist and moved them to the other man’s shoulder. He studied the fiery-red tattoo on Su Yang’s back—the epiphyllum flowerRed Epiphyllum..

Seeing that Gu Feidi didn’t plan to go beyond second base, Su Yang was relieved. 

As he was about to turn around and sit more comfortably, Gu Feidi grabbed his shoulder and kept him in position.

“Wh-what’s wrong?” Su Yang asked nervously. 

Gu Feidi didn’t answer.

He gathered Su Yang’s hair that was stuck to the pale back and moved it aside. He slid his fingers down the shoulder and gently stroked the tattoo.

Su Yang felt numb all over. He turned to face Gu Feidi and blurted out his question, “Why are you touching my back?”

With no answer, he tried to change the topic. “Do you like the decorative design? Do you want one as well?”

Gu Feidi shook his head. “During the underground river in the wasteland, I noticed some old scars hiding under your tattoo.”

Hearing this, Su Yang was surprised. “Scars? But there has never been any scars on my body.”

Yet Gu Feidi countered, “Looked to be old scars that are covered by the tattoo. It’s illegible, but I can feel the difference between them with my fingers.”

As he spoke, he stroked the tattoo on Su Yang’s back with his fingertips. Soon, he determined what the layers of scars were. “...They are words.”

“Words?” Su Yang was even more surprised. “How could I have words on my back?”

Gu Feidi’s finger paused slightly. He pressed Su Yang’s shoulder and requested, “Stop moving. Let me see if I can decipher the words.”

Laying on the edge of the pool like a good boy, Su Yang made way for Gu Feidi’s fingers that were caressing his back.

For a moment, Gu Feidi hesitated and read, “Ill-fated…”

Su Yang blinked and asked, “Ill-fated?”

Gu Feidi closed his eyes and read the rest of the words using his fingers. After a while, he was a little more determined and continued, “Ill-fated relationship from…misfortune..?”

Ill-fated relationship from misfortune?

Though not understanding the meaning of these words, a sense of uneasiness still emerged from Su Yang’s heart, which made him believe that what was on his back weren’t kind words.

Gu Feidi frowned and hurriedly touched the next line.

“An Oath for…” Soon, he finished in a whisper, “...Divine punishment.”

This sentence was even more confusing for Su Yang to understand.

He simply stopped asking questions, just silently waiting for Gu Feidi to finish.

Gu Feidi’s fingers slowly shifted and stroked the third line.

After a long time, he uttered in a hoarse voice, “Su…Yang…”

“Huh?” Su Yang turned his head. “Yes?”

Gu Feidi clarified, “...The beginning of the third line is your name.”

Su Yang raised his eyebrow. “Could the engraving on my back be the origin of my name? That’s really bizarre…”

Gu Feidi didn’t speak as he carried on to the next word after ‘Yang’.

Soon, he recognised the third word. “Short…”

“Short?” Su Yang echoed his doubt. “And then?”

However, Gu Feidi didn’t move for a long time.

His fingers rested on Su Yang’s back as he gently touched the third line’s last word before his breathing trembled.

The uneven breathing caused a tickling sensation in Su Yang’s ear. He turned again to ask, “What’s wrong?”

Gu Feidi’s complexion didn’t look very good. A clear panic was visible in his dark eyes. He returned Su Yang’s gaze, opened his mouth, but no words could come out.

After a moment’s silence, he said, “...There is one more. Could you…turn around?”

“Are you really alright?” Su Yang frowned and questioned. “What happened to that third line? What were the last words?”

“Nothing much.” Gu Feidi tried to give a reassuring smile. He stretched out his hand to move Su Yang around. After a brief hesitation, his fingers returned to Su Yang’s back, gently. 

Along the border of Su Yang’s tattoo, the five words in the last line were gradually formed in Gu Feidi’s mind.

But he said nothing, and the confusion in his eyes was gradually replaced by new, deeper and darker feelings.

His fingers slipped down and the back of his hand fell on the surface of the pool, looking like a lotus and creating a large splash. 

Su Yang was even more worried.

He turned to face Gu Feidi and slowly approached the other. He reached out his hand to interlace their fingers before asking the same question softly, “What’s wrong?”

Gu Feidi’s eyes locked on Su Yang’s tender face and he didn’t move his gaze for a long time.

Feeling unnerved by the stare, Su Yang raised his other free hand to nibble on his nails, and repeated the same question, “What is written on my back?”

Gu Feidi didn’t answer.

Su Yang bit his lower lip. “You said we should be honest with each other. Not allowed to hide anything. Please tell me what’s troubling you.”

“You…” Gu Feidi trying to push words out of his tight throat. But only one escaped while the rest were stuck.

He flattened his lips. Taking a step forward, he gently gathered Su Yang into his arms.

The small snowflakes were still falling. The slightly cold water drops fell on their skin and hair, and was then turned into dense vapour by the hot spring.

The eyes hiding in the crook of Su Yang’s neck were once again reddened. Gu Feidi carefully controlled his breathing to prevent Su Yang from picking it up.

After a long embrace, he slowly stepped back and coaxed, “You rest in the hot spring. I’ll go find Senior Luo.”

With that, he fished up his clothes in the water, carelessly draped them over his shoulder, and leapt onto the bank, before Su Yang could answer back.

Su Yang stood alone in the middle of the hot spring. He lowered his head to ponder for a moment, and moved his hand back to touch the scars on his back.

However, the messy scars made it impossible for him to distinguish what was written. 

“Ill-fated relationship from misfortune…” He muttered the first two sentences. “...An oath for divine punishmentThe curse for those who are curious and don't want to wait...
孽緣為災，業報天咎。宿殃短壽，命絕未冠
Ill-fated Relationship from Misfortune.
An Oath for Divine Punishment.
Su Yang’s Short-Condemned Life,
One Never Reached the Age.
.”

Gu Feidi soon returned, following behind Luo Yu to the hot spring.

Seeing Su Yang’s healthier complexion, with a tang of lively pink on his skin, Luo Yu was relieved. At the same time, he put on a scowling face and cast a sidelong glance at Su Yang. “I shouldn’t have tended to you! I should have left you out to die when you were so insistent on dying!”

Su Yang, who was originally struggling with the words on his back, was suddenly faced with an unknown old man who scolded him. He was thoroughly confused.

However, seeing the kindness behind the man’s sour face and Gu Feidi behind him, it immediately sunk in. The middle-aged man in front of him must be the Miracle Doctor, Luo Yu, himself.

A disciple came beside them with a clean set of clothes. Luo Yu picked up the thick-cotton robe from the tray in the disciple’s hands and glanced at Su Yang. “Well, hurry! Do you want me to ask you from inside of the water?”

Su Yang saw that the cotton-padded robe that the doctor revealed, which reminded him of a modern bathrobe, and right away used the edge of the pool as support to go ashore. Sure enough, the next moment, he was wrapped in the dry and warm cotton robe.

Luo Yu lifted one of the sleeves, making it easier for Su Yang to put his arm through it.

Su Yang felt spoiled…No, he was truly frightened. He hesitated to let Luo Yu personally serve him by putting on the thick robe. Su Yang tried to make eye contact with Gu Feidi, trying to give the other some sort of signal with his shocked expression—why was the doctor dressing him himself? Is he that hands-on?

Gu Feidi just stared at Su Yang quietly without giving him the slightest response.

Luo Yu broke his trance. “Follow me.”

Then he turned to leave. After taking two steps, he suddenly stopped and snapped his head at Gu Feidi. “Take a rest at our guest house. My disciple will show you the way. I want to chat with Su Yang alone.”

Gu Feidi frowned, opened his mouth as if trying to find a reason to follow, but Luo Yu interrupted him, “Being in my courtyard means listening to my orders. Otherwise, you two better hurry down the mountain and out of my way.”

Gu Feidi had no choice but to nod. “Understood.”

He stood in the delicate and cold snowflakes dropping from the sky. He watched Su Yang’s departing back without moving for a long time.