Warning: Mild sexual references.

Please Give Me Some More Memorable Memories...

Gu Feidi stared straight into Su Yang’s eyes, complex emotions swirled in that gaze.

After a while, he whispered, “Yes.”

Su Yang’s fingers were still behind Gu Feidi’s neck. The bony fingers slid slightly as they fell to the side of Gu Feidi’s neck and caressed his collar.

Wearing only his middle and inner robe, Gu Feidi’s robe's collars was loosely intertwined, not at all tight. It didn't take Su Yang much effort to make a mess of them.

The setting sun shone through the window, and the orange-red shimmer reflected on Su Yang’s face, creating a warm, light-brown that seemed to twinkle in those dark eyes.

Gu Feidi immediately realised what Su Yang wished for.

“Shixiong,” He sighed softly. “Your body…”

“My body is fine.” Su Yang deliberately spoke more with his nose, trying to act coquettish. “I’m just feeling a little weak…That means Shidi should be more proactive, alright?”

Gu Feidi continued to refuse, “Senior said your body is too weak and can’t…”

Su Yang blinked slowly at Gu Feidi. “You agreed to grant all my wishes.”

Gu Feidi murmured, “But that doesn’t include…”

Su Yang whispered, “You said you will fulfil my wish.”

“Please listen, I can’t…”

“You said you will fulfil my wish.”


“You said you won’t refuse any of my requests.”

Gu Feidi caught Su Yang’s hands that were pulling on his lapel, and pleaded, “You should rest more.”

Afterwards, he turned and was about to leave, but Su Yang grabbed the edge of his robe.

“Don’t let me leave with regrets, please?” Su Yang cried in a whisper.

Gu Feidi’s whole body trembled violently, and he unintentionally put too much force on the hands holding the bowl. A crisp crack sound came from the thin porcelain materials, and the broken porcelain fell to the ground and shattered into pieces.

This startled Su Yang, who immediately sat up to ask, “Are you hurt?”

In silence, Gu Feidi tossed the remaining fragments in his hand to the ground as he lowered his gaze. He placed his trembling finger with two small cuts against his lips and sucked off the escaped blood.

Seeing Gu Feidi’s back to him and hearing nothing, Su Yang was in a slight panic. 

“I’m sorry.” He removed the quilt wrapped around him and was about to stand up. “Don’t take what I just said…”

A sudden kiss blocked the rest of his sentence.

Gu Feidi grabbed Su Yang’s middle robe collar and pulled the other man closer for a kiss. A soft kiss to an uncontrollable anger, that finally melted into a deep desire. 

Separation was non-negotiable. 

Su Yang began to have difficulty breathing as he pushed against Gu Feidi’s shoulder twice. Only then did the younger man slowly leave his lips.

An extremely complicated emotion full of pain and hope flickered in Gu Feidi’s eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low and husky, “...You will not leave.”

Su Yang gasped for breath as he tried to adjust his heartbeat back to normal.

After a while, he pulled out a hopeful smile toward Gu Feidi. “Please give me some more memorable memories.”

Gu Feidi stared into Su Yang’s eyes. His throat trembled, but no words came out.

“And also give yourself…” Su Yang continued. “...Something that you would never forget, please?”

Gu Feidi tightly embraced Su Yang and hid his face in the crook of Su Yang’s neck. Su Yang returned the hug and waited patiently for the other man’s response. 

After a long silence, Gu Feidi sighed by Su Yang’s ear, kissed his forehead and turned away.

Su Yang wanted to vent his anger. He sat back on the bed, grabbed the quilt, and put it over his head.

He didn’t want to continue this conversation, otherwise, it would appear as if he were asking for charity.

However, Gu Feidi quickly returned to the bed, put a small round iron jar in his hand next to the headrest of the bed, as he gently hugged Su Yang and gave him a peck.

“You have to let me know if you start to feel unwell.” He gazed solemnly into Su Yang’s eyes.

Su Yang glanced at the iron jar, raised his eyebrow toward Gu Feidi.

“Oh,” He couldn’t resist the urge to tease. “Isn’t that the ointment for mosquito bites? What use could you possibly have with it?”

Gu Feidi: “...”

He sighed feebly, “Is this really the right time for you to ask such a question?”

Su Yang smiled mischievously. “I just suddenly remembered that time…”

...The voice was stopped again by another long kiss from Gu Feidi.

* * *

As the last touch of crimson gradually faded in the western sky, and the layers of light clouds turned into a deep violet.

The stars quietly lit up the sky. This was a clear winter night without snow. In the soundless courtyard, the steaming fog from the hot spring was the only movement. Occasionally, water droplets condensed from the steam would drop in random places on the stone bank, creating a crisp plop.

Suddenly, a breeze blew through the warm hot spring and at the evergreen trees, with a thin layer of snow beside the body of water. The snowflakes on the branches fell to the ground the same way as countless light snow appeared in the courtyard.

A cluster of needle-leaves swayed and rustled with the rhythm conducted by the wind, making the courtyard slightly full of vitality...

* * *

Gu Feidi embraced Su Yang in his arms from behind as he showered kisses on the parts of the neck that were usually covered by hair or the robe’s collar.

Su Yang’s whole being was lazy, he didn’t even want to move his fingertips. But strangely, there was none of the drowsiness or fatigue. On the contrary, he felt even more relaxed physically and mentally. 

—He wasn’t sure it was from the weeping that was interwoven with the abyss of despair and deep yearning earlier that drained all the negative feeling trapped in his heart.

The two quietly enjoy their intimacy for a long time. Gu Feidi whispered in Su Yang’s ear, “Shixiong…”

Su Yang hummed in response.

Gu Feidi asked, “How are you feeling?”

After a moment of silence, Su Yang uttered in his slightly hoarse voice, “...Tired.”

Gu Feidi gently kissed Su Yang on the cheek and whispered, “Can you hold on for just a little longer? I’ll clean the bed.”

With that, he rolled out of the bed, wrapped Su Yang tightly in a quilt, carried the comfortable man in a cocoon to the nearby couch, and lit a lamp beside it. Grabbing a new set of blankets, which he used to replace with the soiled sheets on the bed. He then prepared cleaning materials for the fabric, drew hot water from the hot spring into a large bucket enough for one person to fit, unwrapped Su Yang and carefully set him in the bucket. 

After careful washing and a hot bath, Gu Feidi used his internal energy to dry Su Yang’s hair. They put on a set of clean and dry middle robes, put out the lamp, and held each other on the bed.

Unbeknownst to Su Yang, he had no urge to sleep.

He closed his eyes to ferment the sleepiness, but couldn’t enter dreamland. With no other choice but to open his eyes and look at his side…only to meet with a pair of eyes shining in the dark.

Gu Feidi was surprised, “Shixiong not sleepy?”

Su Yang blinked slowly and whispered, “...Yes, I can’t sleep.”

Gu Feidi brought the other man closer and called, “Shixiong…”

Su Yang responded, “Yes?”

Gu Feidi paused for a moment, and asked each word hesitatingly, “Shixiong, did you enjoy the…pleasure from earlier?”

Facing this question, Su Yang wanted to burst out in tears and laughter but also wanted to smack the other for being shameless, and uncertain feelings that he assumed might be bashfulness or annoyance that rushed forth all at once, resulting in his ears turning hot and burning red.

“Why ask that…” He muttered.

After a moment of silence, Gu Feidi raised his hand, gently caressed Su Yang’s cheek and whispered, “I just want to know…Is it a beautiful memory or an unbearable memory for my Shixiong…”

Su Yang suddenly didn’t know how to answer Gu Feidi’s question.

At first, he embraced the self-sacrificing kind of state of mind, hoping to make this relationship burn more fiercely in their short remaining time…Even if a moth flew into the flame and vanished in a puff of smoke, he could at least engrave something that would never fade in the younger man’s deepest memory...

He didn’t like the despair in this line of thinking, but the love burned to its limit and turned into a moment of fireworks that could illuminate the darkest shadow. It was damn gorgeous...

Even if he fell into the abyss, he would not hesitate.

...Besides, he didn’t fall into the darkness at the moment, but…it was like a rebirth.

Gu Feidi was still coaxing, “Shixiong, did you like it or not?”

Su Yang flattened his lips, grabbed Gu Feidi’s fingertip that was tickling his ear, and chose to avoid the question by changing the topic. 

“I’ve been wondering, since when did you start calling me that? In the past…don’t you always call me by my name?”

Gu Feidi didn’t answer immediately.

He lowered his eyes, his other hand slipped slowly from the other’s face and stopped on his back just slightly below the shoulder.

Separated by the middle robe, Gu Feidi couldn’t touch Su Yang’s skin, but he knew under the fabric there were scars that had long healed. And those scars formed a curse that pained his heart.

After a long silence, Gu Feidi murmured, “...I just don’t want to think of some unpleasant things.”

Mentioning this, Su Yang remembered the twenty characters curse behind him, which included his name.

Su Yang殃 (Yang) in Su Yang’s name is included in disaster 災殃. Unlucky name Q-Q
…a name destined to face disaster. An air of predestinationThe 宿 (Su) in Su Yang’s name is included in predestination 宿命. Like damn, Su Yang’s mother thought of everything. and type of tragedy.

Now that he was aware of that, this was indeed not a good name.

“It feels weird to always call me Shixiong…” Su Yang confessed. “Why don’t you call me by my nickname.”

Gu Feidi was surprised. “You have an infant name?”

Su Yang gazed at the other in the dark, the eyes that seemed to contain twinkling stars. “It’s my soul’s nickname. In the past…my grandmother always called me that.”

Gu Feidi asked, “What did she call you?”

Su Yang bit his lower lip and shared, “Xiao Xiao.”

Gu Feidi looked distracted for a moment and inquired, “Xiao Xiao? Which Xiao? Dawn (曉 xiǎo) in daybreak (破曉 pòxiǎo), or…”

Su Yang corrected, “Small (小 xiǎo) as in the size (大小 dàxiǎo)...”

Gu Feidi chuckled. “It’s an adorable nickname.”

Su Yang wondered, “How about you? Do you have one as well?”

Gu Feidi shook his head and recalled, “I don’t really know. Since I could remember, my father and mother have never called me by anything but my given name. Maybe they never gave me one.”

Su Yang questioned, “Then what should I call you? If you call me by my nickname, I can’t keep calling you by your full name…”

Gu Feidi suddenly laughed.

Su Yang was confused. “What?”

Gu Feidi gently stroked Su Yang’s cheek and whispered, “Why don’t you call me…like how you called me just now.”

What do you mean? Su Yang didn’t understand the question. 

When he finally got it, a full-blown blush instinctively rushed to his face. He clenched his teeth and bellowed, “Gu Feidi!”

Gu Feidi smiled and suggested, “Do you remember what you called me? You called me Ge-geOlder brother., and it was so intimate too. But outside of that, it’s forbidden to call me by that?”

Su Yang humphed, “I’m older than you.”

“Really? Bigger whereUses the same Chinese word (大), so Gu Feidi is using a pun with Su Yang’s nickname (小小). If Su Yang’s nickname is tiny (double small 小小), how is he bigger than Gu Feidi? As for which 'part', I’ll let the reader decide.?” Gu Feidi closed the distance between them. He teased, “Your nickname is double small, how…is that bigger than me?”

Su Yang: “...”

Su Yang’s blush was burning with fever on his face. He threw a look of disgust at Gu Feidi and pushed the other with a slap. “Are you a toy poodleWhy a toy poodle (貴賓泰迪犬)? TBH, at first I thought the raw (泰迪) was talking about ‘teddy bear’ (泰迪熊), but with the sexual reference, I remembered how overexcited this dog is at time (aka the dog that humps everything). So the author has to be referring to a toy poodle and not some cute teddy bear. PLUS, it fits the dog theme for Gu Feidi!! then? You want another round when I’m so tired? Didn’t you say you couldn’t bear to touch me…?”

Gu Feidi didn’t understand the modern reference. He searched Su Yang’s lips and pecked them gently.

“I can’t bear to not touch you.” He chuckled deeply twice, captured Su Yang’s hand and interlocked their fingers and laid their hands on his chest, stopping the racket. 

The night was getting darker, the evening breeze suddenly stopped, and the quiet was restored to the environment. 

The stars and the crescent moon lit up the whole sky. The dim light shone into the house through the open window and sprayed on the two people who held each other in their sleep.

A beautiful and peaceful night.

Authors Corner

The author has something to say:

When I was visualising it in my mind, it was actually a very sad and beautiful night, mixed with despair and deep affection, tears and joy, those could only coexist in this self-sacrifice night… However, I wrote until I went bald. So let’s make do with it (I play the doge card).

Translator's Corner

I wrote until I went bald: Originate from (令人頭大) or making someone’s head larger, because now we know when we are faced with difficult question, our head is not going larger, it’s just going to become bald. The more difficult the question, the more hair we lose. 

I play the doge card: The more accurate translation would be ‘I use doge’ or something but my brain went ‘Yu-Gi-Oh!’. It means something like ‘I’m a friend don’t hurt me’, ‘I’m really royal’, or ‘I was being sarcastic please don’t hurt me’. Now people are so lazy, they just type out ‘手动doge’ instead of posting the cute shiba meme that people often use as sarcasm or irony.

Editor's Corner

*Glares at author * how could you do something so underhanded and play the doge card! Go bald! Go bald! We, your readers, will supply wigs!


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1 Comment

  1. Muggelschmuggel

    Just call him Didi from Feidi, just with the pronunciation of a lil bro xD

    Thx for the ch ٩( >ヮ<)۶

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